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You can use our advanced search filters if you're searching for something particular. Finding a partner seems like it has become a nearly impossible feat. We live in a world where the only realistic option for many of us is to search for love through electronic means. Looking for companionship on Grindr, Scruff and Tinder, however, presents a myriad of challenges, and often leads to jaded attitudes and feelings of hopelessness.
One of the most trying obstacles is ghosting, a practice not exclusive to, but prevalent in, online dating, where someone you care about chooses to disappear from your life without explanation or warning. This letter discusses the deep sense of hurt I felt when someone I recently met through an app and had a Titanic -like romance with vanished one evening, connecting that story to an overview of my online dating experiences over the past six years.
In a culture where insensitive online dating practices have become norms, it is a search for answers and gentle request for us to be more mindful of how our behaviour impacts others. The purpose of my vacation was to visit a friend in London, but I thought it would be fun to travel to England by boat, especially since I was fascinated by these floating palaces as a child.
Shortly after boarding the ship in Brooklyn, I went on Grindr and immediately got a message from a handsome crew member. We met a few hours later and I hoped that he liked me while we were getting to know each other. He was charming and charismatic, and we had a lot in common, including a similar sense of humour. Luckily, we hit it off. Over the next few days, we spent a significant amount of time together, doing everything from going to dinner to jokingly reenacting a scene between Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukater, complete with a replica of the Heart of the Ocean.
I enjoyed every minute we shared and his company ended up being a nice escape from the ship itself. As a year-old man, it felt a lot like a fancy retirement home because the vast majority of my fellow passengers were older seniors. But, on the fifth night, he implied that he wanted to continue seeing each other when the ship docked.
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He mentioned visiting me in Canada. He also offered me his guest pass, so I could come back on the ship to visit him for free. Particularly powerful because we lived in different parts of the world, his desire to be with me demolished whatever walls I had built up and I completely fell for him. The next morning, we had breakfast and, in the early afternoon, he left a voicemail on my cabin phone, telling me to meet him that evening.
From the public room we were supposed to get together in, we planned to make our way to the deck to take pictures. At first, I thought a work thing must have come up. But I never heard from him again. The rest of my time on the ship was incredibly lonely. After racking my brain for days, I think I figured out what happened; he probably got in trouble.
I know crew members who get caught sleeping with passengers can face serious consequences. Whatever went down, I wish he would have told me. Although this may not seem like a story or relationship worthy enough of taking the risks associated with opening up to strangers and making myself vulnerable, this experience is compounded by the fact that it is not an isolated incident of ghosting in my life. The last guy I had a crush on lived in Toronto.
He was so interested in me, he organised a one-day business trip to Calgary, so we could go on a second date. A few days later, I realised we were going to be at the same place at the same time, so I asked him to get together again, but he left me hanging. Could I ask what happened? On other occasions, my dates say offensive things eg.